authenticity

I have tried to start a blog many times.  The first time- it was to chronicle the journey of motherhood.  The second time, it was for work.  The third time to chronicle my family’s trip around the world.  Clearly I haven’t developed a system or discipline that works.  I have been reflecting a great deal on why that might be, and I realized a few things.

All of the previous blogs focused on very specific components of my life.  The separation of components in my life made blogging feel like a tedious and overwhelming chore.  This reflection was especially meaningful because in our profession of student affairs, we talk a great deal about work-life balance (note- we ‘talk’…)- particularly as women educator-administrators.  Separation does not work for me.  Separation does not give me balance.  Separation stresses me out, because it creates more work.  I suspect my blogging efforts were also unsustainable because they all highlighted separate components of my life, rather than integrating them in thoughtful ways.

I am humbled and inspired by the wisdom and intellect around me.  I continually wonder what I could possibly share that has meaning for others, that hasn’t been said before by someone else.  A mentor of mine, Dr. Kathy Obear, encouraged me to think about this differently.  She pushed me to consider the uniqueness of our voices.  She offered the thought that perhaps our thoughts have been shared before, but perhaps they haven’t been expressed in a way that we might uniquely express them, and perhaps that expression might allow folks to understand a message differently than they might have before.  I am grateful for this advice, that gives me courage to honor and own my voice.

We all come to the table with our own life story- and that life story informs the way we show up with others.  A core value for me is authenticity.  Yet I struggle with authenticity,  when that authenticity means showing a vulnerable (read as ‘weaker’) side.  I struggle with authenticity when that means taking ownership of the gap between who I want to be… and who I really am.

So, hopefully this blog will be different.  On a journey to hope and liberation, through this blog, hopefully I can own the fears, embrace the humanity, and imagine a wholeness of spirit along the way.  With all of you.

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